After Action Report 22/04/2015

Type: Day 2

Situation: Met a girl in a club 10 days ago, HB8. Isolated, kiss closed, got her number. After that she started playing hard to get so I left her to it and texted the next day. We went to a couple of bars for drinks.

Results: Nothing (I’d already K closed, doing it again doesn’t count)

What went well:

  • Improved body language since last date
  • Improved vocal tonality since last date
  • Conversation flowed easily, some good teasing

What went badly:

  • Got drunk
  • Spent too much money on cocktails
  • I was thrown by the fact she recoiled from my kiss attempt an hour in. Usually I’d be fine with this, but it threw me as it was in contrast to her making out with me passionately in the club. You can’t just start where you left off in the club. Due to this I feel like I spent the rest of the date chasing for makeouts. When I did get them she felt stiff, like she wasn’t into it, and instead of backing off I pushed forward, chasing the passion out of validation rather than lust. 60 years of challenge says there’s a big difference between escalating out of lust and out of a need to see if the  girl likes you (and they can sense this). I feel I really put the girl off by doing this.
  • The conversation was quite superficial, lacking the emotional content and connection that aids seduction

Action points:

  • Don’t drink so much on dates. This will save money and allow for better game
  • Have a conversational plan for a date that leads to more emotional content, and better setting up the correct male female polarity between us
  • Focus more on the frame of being the prize rather than chaser (some chasing is unavoidable), and protect the frame / my value over and above make outs and trying to move the girl forward.
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After Action Report 19/04/2015

Type: Day 2

Situation: First date with a busty HB8 I had street stopped the previous week. The stop had been quick as she ended the interaction early, but I managed to get her number. She ignored me the first time I asked her out over text, but after some brief flirting came for the day 2. We went for tea in a coffee shop.

Results: Nothing

What went well:

  • Nothing. I got a hot girl out on a date, but that happened before the date.

What went badly:

  • Wasn’t particularly warm and welcoming when she first showed up. Could have smiled more and made better eye contact.
  • I think my voice was too quiet
  • Spoke and moved too quickly
  • Poor body language when sat down. Tried to do the slightly aloof leaning back body language Krauser recommends on this date, but just ended up awkwardly slouching.
  • Approval seeking and being apologetic. She didn’t like a comment I made about the coffee shop being a bit pokey (not enough space between the tables for my introverted liking). She really didn’t like it for some reason. This shouldn’t phase me but it did. It made me stutter a bit and try and explain myself.
  • In-congruent use of game material. Tried to make the comment I read in Day Game Mastery about seeing if she can drink tea like a proper English lady. This tease wasn’t in keeping with the vibe we had at that point. Plus she was half English and has lived her for years and so it didn’t really make sense. Using routines where they don’t fit is a classic noob mistake. She didn’t like it and again I got flustered and did the approval seeking
  • Didn’t really listen much to what she said about herself, as I had got too in my head at that point
  • I let her guide the conversation too much. We started talking about family and places we’d travelled too much (I’m not well travelled so this is bad for me). It was a bit pedestrian. I feel the conversation should be quite light and positive at this point, filed with casual observations about the things I like, and finding out what she likes.

Action points:

  • Greet girls warmly at the begining of a day 2. Take time for a little chit chat before walking to the date location. Have some conversation prepared for this stage. She needs to feel comfortable and like things are flowing.
  • Focus on speaking louder
  • Slow all of my speech and actions down
  • Have strong body language
  • Don’t get flustered if she responds negatively to something. Brush it off, move on

After Action Report 18/04/2015

Type: Night game sarge (club)

Situation: Night game in a large club that turned out to be a 75% male cockfest.

Results: Nothing from 5 approaches

What went well:

  • My later approaches were confident. Room for improvement, but I felt quite bold and masculine in the way I approached.

What went badly:

  • Could have done more approaches to build a better vibe, but to be fair it was a cockfest.
  • Gave up to early on one set because when I was holding her hand it went stiff (her hand not my cock), showing me that she wasn’t into it. Despite this, as I was about to leave she asked me a question, implying that the set had possibly hooked, but I answered quickly and left.
  • Failed to approach a girl who IOI’d me. To be fair I don’t think she was hot enough.
  • Failed to escalate a girl who I had very strong initial interest from. Should have mixed some taking in with the escalation. I used to be very good at dance floor escalation (there’s an art to doing it well), but my skills have atrophied. I think bad breath actually cost me this one. She said I smelled like I had just eaten a McDonald’s, then left me soon after. I have gum disease, and haven’t visited the dentist in a while, this could be why.

Action points:

  • Book hygenist on Monday to get cleaned under my gums
  • Approach more frequently
  • Don’t give up on sets that aren’t immediately all over me

After Action Reports

In an effort to ‘debug’ my game I am going to be writing After Action Reports on all my dates and sarges. These will be a bit like very brief, short hand versions of field reports. Field reports tend to be time consuming and dull to type out, so I’ll end up never doing them. The After Actions will cut to the chase and just focus on the key points which will help me improve. This means they probably won’t be that readable to you guys. That’s okay as they’re meant mainly for me. By typing them out and posting them online I’ll mentally process them more deeply. Feel free to skip them.

See all After Action Reports

Ego Crushing

The player’s journey is a very emotional one. The high points are euphoric, but the low points are crushing. The community will tell you to not give a fuck what anyone else thinks about you, especially not women. There is some truth in this. People have a wide variety of preferences, and this means that in order for some people to love you, others must hate you. One of the dirty little secrets in the PUA Sphere is that we do care what women think of us. Very much so in fact.

Men caring what hot women think of them is, to a certain extent, inescapable. One of our primary biological directives is reproducing with a (preferably) attractive female. When hot women don’t like us this puts that directive under threat. Feeling bad about this is a pretty fundamental response. Not giving a fuck what anyone else thinks of you reminds me of obnoxious people who piss everyone off so everyone hates them. They tell the people they don’t give a fuck, they won’t change their personality to please anyone. The reality is that this is an ego defence mechanism. Rather than admitting to themselves that their personality is horrendous and needs to change, they hide this behind the lie of not caring. It’s a similar thing to 30s careerist women with cunty attitudes who can’t attract men saying they need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. The truth is they have a hole in their life that no amount of lunches with the girls or ‘spiritual’ trips to Morocco can fill. Only a man can fill that hole (yes, pun intended).

I certainly don’t believe that one girl’s negative opinion of you should effect you. No matter how attractive you become, they’ll always be some women who are repulsed by you. What matters is aggregate feedback. This means that when pretty much all the women you’re meeting don’t like you then you have a problem. Denying this is bad for two reasons. Firstly, you’re denying reality. Bad things always happen in the long term when you do this. Secondly, this is an ego protection method disguising itself as high self esteem.

I’ve spent the last few weeks coming back to the game after more or less 5 months off (only a few new women fucked in those 5 months, very little time spent on game). When you exclude online game, my lay off from cold approach has been even longer. I thought I’d have some AA but get back into it quite quickly. I was wrong.

So far I’d estimate that I’ve approached 40 women, with a 50/50 split between day and night game. My results thus far have been: 7 numbers, 2 kiss closes, 2 first dates, 0 lays. I have another first date scheduled for next week, and one girl from day game who responded to my feeler text. The girls I kclosed have been a 7 and an 8. On the surface that doesn’t sound horrendous. What’s bothering me is I keep getting really bad reactions from women who are initially interested:

  • A girl who opened me (I didn’t find her attractive) cut me off literally mid sentence and walked off after 2 minutes of conversation. Never had that happen before.
  • Two day game dates I’ve had the plan was tea at a tea rooms then on to a pub. Both girls left after the tea rooms and wouldn’t come to the pub. So that’s a 45 minute date. My dates have rarely ended so quickly in the past. One of the dates was with an 8 who is just my type. She couldn’t wait to get away. I’ve only had two other cold approach dates this year, both from clubs, both earlier in the year. One left after an hour (feels like this is a common theme) and just didn’t like me. The other was with a girl I had first met briefly over a year ago. I didn’t hit on her then because I thought she was too hot for me. The second time I met her I was very direct and out her out on a date. The first date went exceptionally well and she seemed massively into me. Thought I was close to fucking my first 8. Probably should have pushed for the first date lay given how physical she was getting with me, but pussied out. You need to take them on the flood. The second date was a dud… just no energy and her enthusiasm for me was gone.
  • I’ve had a few girls blow me out telling me directly they don’t like my sense of humour (dry / sarcastic).

I’ve had blow outs and rejections on dates before, of course. Something’s different now though. I seem to be turning initially positive reactions into negative ones. Never a good thing. It’s almost like girls are liking me less the more they get to know me. I have a theory about this. During my lay off from game a lot of my outer game atrophied, but my inner game remained. This leads to me throwing a lot of confidence behind poor outer game. When I first got into game I’d self monitor a lot due to lack of confidence. This actually helped me to some extent, because I’d filter out some stuff that girls wouldn’t like. With more confidence that filter is mostly gone. This leads to me turning a lot of girls off by saying stupid shit.

Although my current level of inner game has survived, I have a lot of work to do in this area. One of my goals for this year is to finally fuck an 8. Although I need to approach more of them to make this happen, I also feel I need a lot of inner game work to get there. For example there’s the whole sigma male thing. Do I really want to be detached from society because of my outsider / introverted nature, or is this really just an ego protection mechanism against the possibility that people won’t like me? I’m not sure how to answer questions like this on my own. There isn’t a lot out there to help guys with this. Skelator from the LSS used to do inner game coaching that everyone rated highly, but I think he’s stopped offering that now. There’s no way I’m going down the route of mainstream psychologists. I really don’t know what to do to improve in this area.

For now I’ll just keep grinding the sets out, going on the dates, taking the rejections that come and trying to learn from these. My day game coach can be some help there, but game is fucking hard to debug. All I can do is keep going, but I have to be constantly analysing my failures and tweaking my game.

 

Where The Old PUAs Go To Die

When discussing pro PUAs (think RooshV, Yad, TylerRSD) with friends, at some point someone (possibly me) will say, “… but they’ll be fucked when they’re older”. The thinking behind this is that they make their money by picking up girls, and teaching other guys how to do this. A job like this surely has quite a young retirement age attached to it. It’s unlikely they can be doing this successfully in their late 40s. So what will they do next? They’ve got one skill (pickup) that will be useless to them when they get to a certain age.

At first I thought as entrepreneurs they could just find a new business. As I thought more about this I started thinking as the manosphere ‘market’ as a whole, and had some interesting thoughts on where it’s heading.

Big changes in Western society mean that marriage rates have been declining rapidly since the 60s with this trend accelerating in the 00s.

Between 2000 and 2009, the share of young adults ages 25 to 34 who are married dropped 10 percentage points, from 55 percent to 45 percent, according to ACS data. During the same period, the percentage who have never been married increased sharply, from 34 percent to 46 percent. In a dramatic reversal, the proportion of young adults in the United States who have never been married now exceeds those who are married.

I will never get married (for reasons which I presume are obvious to my readership). If the current marriage trend continues it is estimated that half of the men in Western countries will never get married. In a decade’s time I will be in my early 40s. I predict that that by this point I will be the rule, not the exception. I beleive less men will end up getting married than the article suggests. It really wouldn’t surprise me if by the time I’m 40 odd and still single, around 60 percent of men will be in the same boat. While this doesn’t mean these men won’t have kids, I think a good percentage of them won’t. In the 2020s you will have a situation where a sizeable proportion of men (maybe 20%):

  • Have never been married, and never will
  • Don’t have kids, and never will
  • Have no financial responsibilities, barring their own personal needs
  • Aren’t strongly tied to one geographic location
  • Still want casual sex with many different partners, and are free to pursue this

This will be the first time in human history when this is the case. There will be too many of us to dismiss as ‘Peter Pans’ who never grew up. There will be millions of us. We will be legion. Obviously this will be very worrying for society (and especially women), as this is a demographic that would have traditionally shouldered the bulk of the tax burden, in addition to giving most of their money to their wives. They won’t be doing this any more, and yet government spending seems to keep increasing… You get the picture. How badly this could fuck society in the ass isn’t what this post is about, I just find it ammusing that the manosphere sees this coming, whilst the sociologists and the politicians can’t see the storm front on the horizon.

So what has all this got to do with ageing professional PUAs? In the coming years the type of man I described above will make up a very lucrative market. These men are going to be in the market to buy products in the form of books, DVDs, seminars, supplements that will help them do the following:

  • Make money in a location independent manner
  • Manage their money wisely
  • Live abroad
  • Learn languages
  • Stay looking young and in shape despite ageing
  • Pickup girls much younger then them, or failing that
  • Get women in their 30s who want commitment from a man to accept fuck buddy status

All this information is currently offered to some degree across the internet, but there aren’t many people as of yet specifically targeting the ‘mature manosphere’ and their needs. I think many people who today make their money selling PUA services will transition to selling to this market. The PUA material will simply shift emphasis to dealing with multi decade age gaps between a man and the girls he wants, and add an emphasis on travel and entrepreneurship.

Having seen increased references to location independence, personal finance and things like Euro jaunts this transition is already taking place. It’s a slightly different market from just selling cold approach bootcamps to guys in their 20s, and it will be very profitable for the right person with the right products.

An Example of My Tinder Game

This is a Tinder interaction I had a year ago.

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Whenever I look back on any of my game from more than 6 months ago, I always cringe a little. This is no exception.

I started off well. It was a pretty standard push pull opener. Looks like a compliment at first, but then I hit her with the tease. It makes a girl sit up and take notice of you. A tease on it’s own (push) would make you an asshole. The compliment on it’s own (pull) makes just another fawning guy. Combine the two and get the desired result.

There’s too much humour in there for my liking, some of it’s also terrible (the cross dressing line). Girls do like some humour, this is undeniable. It gives them positive emotions, and points to a man’s good social skills. Despite this the average man overestimates the importance of humour in a pickup, and as a consequence often over uses it. Humour is fun, but it isn’t seductive. It’s good to sprinkle in the laughs here and there, but in order to reliably seduce women you need to change gears to sprinkle in some more serious content and some sexuality. This allows the girl to see you as well rounded (or three dimensional as Tom Torero describes it). Excessive humour can also push you into the entertainer / dancing monkey box. This is a position of low value and should be avoided.

I went for the number fairly quickly. On Tinder you need to go for the number quite fast. The timing of this is not based on a certain number of messages, but rather once she has hooked and seems to be responding well. Tinder will supply her with an unlimited supply of men, plus she may not check the app that often. These things combined mean that you need to move to whatsapp asap to avoid being forgotten. You can see she is responding well almost immediately by going along with my jokes. It’s clear she’s hooked well more or less from the beginning, so there isn’t actually much game required. I actually made a mistake here of not replying fast enough. At one point I don’t reply till the next morning, then take about another day to respond to her reply. As you can see from looking at the dates / times, the whole interaction actually spans almost 4 days. I could easily have lost her in that time, and so it would have been better to do it in one long unbroken interaction.

After some whatsapp back and forth we set up a date that she cancelled. She went a bit cold on me after that, so I pulled back. There was radio silence for about a week. As much as I want to push for a date I don’t want to come across as needy. I pinged her and got a lukewarm reply. She seemed hesitant about meeting so I ran some comfort. At this point she knew very little about me, and that will put many girls off meeting you. Comfort in the form of some getting to know you type chat solved that, and I met her in bar near Marble Arch on a Friday night after work.

She turned up looking like her picture (phew). Fairly pretty face. Slightly above average, but not exceptional. Nice slim body. Pleasant, but without show stopping features like a big round ass or huge tits. A solid 7. And tall. Taller than me. She was over 5ft10 compared to my 5ft9, almost 6ft in her mini heels. I do like tall girls, but only really ever lay them from online dating, as I discount cold approaching them when out sarging. Since I shagged at least 3 girls taller than me last year I think this is a limiting belief I need to put a stop to.

We grab a sofa and I do most the talking. She seems shy. I try and kiss her within the first hour, and she massively recoils. Every physical or verbal escalation attempt on my part was met with disdain from her. Despite this something tells me I can lay her that night. I think it was a combination of my view of Tinder as being for fast lays and the fact that her disdain for my escalation attempts were so over the top they were almost pantomime. The lady dost protest too much. Two hours in she finally accepts my kiss close attempt, after denying the first four. When I smell sex there are no limits to my persistence, and I feel no sting from getting rejected multiple times when going for the kiss.

I ask her to come back to mine. She says “Not yet”. This means she’s already decided to fuck me (unless I do something dumb), so it’s just a case of running down the  clock for another couple of hours. I decided to take her to another bar that’s 20 minutes walk away, as the time dilation effect of a bounce will aid me in turning the not yet into a yes.

We have drinks on a balcony bar overlooking Regent Street. I remove the sexuality and focus on comfort and rapport. I’ve already massively established myself as a sexual threat, so there’s no need to work that angle any more. I just want her to feel emotionally a little bit closer to me now. Like we’re bonding over something. She needs to feel like we get on well and it’s not just a quick ‘any vagina will do’ pump and dump. We talk about things we like and our opinions till I find something we can bond over. I can’t remember what it was, but it was something to do with a way people often act that we both thought was stupid. We made fun of the rest of the world like it was us versus them. With the comfort box ticked and the clock run down we leave the bar.

I said we were getting a cab and she gave no resistance. There was no LMR when I got her home. I fucked her once in the evening then again in the morning. It was odd though. I remember not being that into it. This was despite her being attractive with a nice body. If I fucked her now I’d put way more effort in, and also would have tried to see her again. I think it’s because I slept with 22 women last year, and she was the 3rd new girl I’d slept with in as many weeks. Sex had just lost so much value to me. It’s a hard life being a player.