Ego Crushing

The player’s journey is a very emotional one. The high points are euphoric, but the low points are crushing. The community will tell you to not give a fuck what anyone else thinks about you, especially not women. There is some truth in this. People have a wide variety of preferences, and this means that in order for some people to love you, others must hate you. One of the dirty little secrets in the PUA Sphere is that we do care what women think of us. Very much so in fact.

Men caring what hot women think of them is, to a certain extent, inescapable. One of our primary biological directives is reproducing with a (preferably) attractive female. When hot women don’t like us this puts that directive under threat. Feeling bad about this is a pretty fundamental response. Not giving a fuck what anyone else thinks of you reminds me of obnoxious people who piss everyone off so everyone hates them. They tell the people they don’t give a fuck, they won’t change their personality to please anyone. The reality is that this is an ego defence mechanism. Rather than admitting to themselves that their personality is horrendous and needs to change, they hide this behind the lie of not caring. It’s a similar thing to 30s careerist women with cunty attitudes who can’t attract men saying they need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. The truth is they have a hole in their life that no amount of lunches with the girls or ‘spiritual’ trips to Morocco can fill. Only a man can fill that hole (yes, pun intended).

I certainly don’t believe that one girl’s negative opinion of you should effect you. No matter how attractive you become, they’ll always be some women who are repulsed by you. What matters is aggregate feedback. This means that when pretty much all the women you’re meeting don’t like you then you have a problem. Denying this is bad for two reasons. Firstly, you’re denying reality. Bad things always happen in the long term when you do this. Secondly, this is an ego protection method disguising itself as high self esteem.

I’ve spent the last few weeks coming back to the game after more or less 5 months off (only a few new women fucked in those 5 months, very little time spent on game). When you exclude online game, my lay off from cold approach has been even longer. I thought I’d have some AA but get back into it quite quickly. I was wrong.

So far I’d estimate that I’ve approached 40 women, with a 50/50 split between day and night game. My results thus far have been: 7 numbers, 2 kiss closes, 2 first dates, 0 lays. I have another first date scheduled for next week, and one girl from day game who responded to my feeler text. The girls I kclosed have been a 7 and an 8. On the surface that doesn’t sound horrendous. What’s bothering me is I keep getting really bad reactions from women who are initially interested:

  • A girl who opened me (I didn’t find her attractive) cut me off literally mid sentence and walked off after 2 minutes of conversation. Never had that happen before.
  • Two day game dates I’ve had the plan was tea at a tea rooms then on to a pub. Both girls left after the tea rooms and wouldn’t come to the pub. So that’s a 45 minute date. My dates have rarely ended so quickly in the past. One of the dates was with an 8 who is just my type. She couldn’t wait to get away. I’ve only had two other cold approach dates this year, both from clubs, both earlier in the year. One left after an hour (feels like this is a common theme) and just didn’t like me. The other was with a girl I had first met briefly over a year ago. I didn’t hit on her then because I thought she was too hot for me. The second time I met her I was very direct and out her out on a date. The first date went exceptionally well and she seemed massively into me. Thought I was close to fucking my first 8. Probably should have pushed for the first date lay given how physical she was getting with me, but pussied out. You need to take them on the flood. The second date was a dud… just no energy and her enthusiasm for me was gone.
  • I’ve had a few girls blow me out telling me directly they don’t like my sense of humour (dry / sarcastic).

I’ve had blow outs and rejections on dates before, of course. Something’s different now though. I seem to be turning initially positive reactions into negative ones. Never a good thing. It’s almost like girls are liking me less the more they get to know me. I have a theory about this. During my lay off from game a lot of my outer game atrophied, but my inner game remained. This leads to me throwing a lot of confidence behind poor outer game. When I first got into game I’d self monitor a lot due to lack of confidence. This actually helped me to some extent, because I’d filter out some stuff that girls wouldn’t like. With more confidence that filter is mostly gone. This leads to me turning a lot of girls off by saying stupid shit.

Although my current level of inner game has survived, I have a lot of work to do in this area. One of my goals for this year is to finally fuck an 8. Although I need to approach more of them to make this happen, I also feel I need a lot of inner game work to get there. For example there’s the whole sigma male thing. Do I really want to be detached from society because of my outsider / introverted nature, or is this really just an ego protection mechanism against the possibility that people won’t like me? I’m not sure how to answer questions like this on my own. There isn’t a lot out there to help guys with this. Skelator from the LSS used to do inner game coaching that everyone rated highly, but I think he’s stopped offering that now. There’s no way I’m going down the route of mainstream psychologists. I really don’t know what to do to improve in this area.

For now I’ll just keep grinding the sets out, going on the dates, taking the rejections that come and trying to learn from these. My day game coach can be some help there, but game is fucking hard to debug. All I can do is keep going, but I have to be constantly analysing my failures and tweaking my game.

 

Advertisements

Where The Old PUAs Go To Die

When discussing pro PUAs (think RooshV, Yad, TylerRSD) with friends, at some point someone (possibly me) will say, “… but they’ll be fucked when they’re older”. The thinking behind this is that they make their money by picking up girls, and teaching other guys how to do this. A job like this surely has quite a young retirement age attached to it. It’s unlikely they can be doing this successfully in their late 40s. So what will they do next? They’ve got one skill (pickup) that will be useless to them when they get to a certain age.

At first I thought as entrepreneurs they could just find a new business. As I thought more about this I started thinking as the manosphere ‘market’ as a whole, and had some interesting thoughts on where it’s heading.

Big changes in Western society mean that marriage rates have been declining rapidly since the 60s with this trend accelerating in the 00s.

Between 2000 and 2009, the share of young adults ages 25 to 34 who are married dropped 10 percentage points, from 55 percent to 45 percent, according to ACS data. During the same period, the percentage who have never been married increased sharply, from 34 percent to 46 percent. In a dramatic reversal, the proportion of young adults in the United States who have never been married now exceeds those who are married.

I will never get married (for reasons which I presume are obvious to my readership). If the current marriage trend continues it is estimated that half of the men in Western countries will never get married. In a decade’s time I will be in my early 40s. I predict that that by this point I will be the rule, not the exception. I beleive less men will end up getting married than the article suggests. It really wouldn’t surprise me if by the time I’m 40 odd and still single, around 60 percent of men will be in the same boat. While this doesn’t mean these men won’t have kids, I think a good percentage of them won’t. In the 2020s you will have a situation where a sizeable proportion of men (maybe 20%):

  • Have never been married, and never will
  • Don’t have kids, and never will
  • Have no financial responsibilities, barring their own personal needs
  • Aren’t strongly tied to one geographic location
  • Still want casual sex with many different partners, and are free to pursue this

This will be the first time in human history when this is the case. There will be too many of us to dismiss as ‘Peter Pans’ who never grew up. There will be millions of us. We will be legion. Obviously this will be very worrying for society (and especially women), as this is a demographic that would have traditionally shouldered the bulk of the tax burden, in addition to giving most of their money to their wives. They won’t be doing this any more, and yet government spending seems to keep increasing… You get the picture. How badly this could fuck society in the ass isn’t what this post is about, I just find it ammusing that the manosphere sees this coming, whilst the sociologists and the politicians can’t see the storm front on the horizon.

So what has all this got to do with ageing professional PUAs? In the coming years the type of man I described above will make up a very lucrative market. These men are going to be in the market to buy products in the form of books, DVDs, seminars, supplements that will help them do the following:

  • Make money in a location independent manner
  • Manage their money wisely
  • Live abroad
  • Learn languages
  • Stay looking young and in shape despite ageing
  • Pickup girls much younger then them, or failing that
  • Get women in their 30s who want commitment from a man to accept fuck buddy status

All this information is currently offered to some degree across the internet, but there aren’t many people as of yet specifically targeting the ‘mature manosphere’ and their needs. I think many people who today make their money selling PUA services will transition to selling to this market. The PUA material will simply shift emphasis to dealing with multi decade age gaps between a man and the girls he wants, and add an emphasis on travel and entrepreneurship.

Having seen increased references to location independence, personal finance and things like Euro jaunts this transition is already taking place. It’s a slightly different market from just selling cold approach bootcamps to guys in their 20s, and it will be very profitable for the right person with the right products.

An Example of My Tinder Game

This is a Tinder interaction I had a year ago.

image

image (1)

image (2)

 

Whenever I look back on any of my game from more than 6 months ago, I always cringe a little. This is no exception.

I started off well. It was a pretty standard push pull opener. Looks like a compliment at first, but then I hit her with the tease. It makes a girl sit up and take notice of you. A tease on it’s own (push) would make you an asshole. The compliment on it’s own (pull) makes just another fawning guy. Combine the two and get the desired result.

There’s too much humour in there for my liking, some of it’s also terrible (the cross dressing line). Girls do like some humour, this is undeniable. It gives them positive emotions, and points to a man’s good social skills. Despite this the average man overestimates the importance of humour in a pickup, and as a consequence often over uses it. Humour is fun, but it isn’t seductive. It’s good to sprinkle in the laughs here and there, but in order to reliably seduce women you need to change gears to sprinkle in some more serious content and some sexuality. This allows the girl to see you as well rounded (or three dimensional as Tom Torero describes it). Excessive humour can also push you into the entertainer / dancing monkey box. This is a position of low value and should be avoided.

I went for the number fairly quickly. On Tinder you need to go for the number quite fast. The timing of this is not based on a certain number of messages, but rather once she has hooked and seems to be responding well. Tinder will supply her with an unlimited supply of men, plus she may not check the app that often. These things combined mean that you need to move to whatsapp asap to avoid being forgotten. You can see she is responding well almost immediately by going along with my jokes. It’s clear she’s hooked well more or less from the beginning, so there isn’t actually much game required. I actually made a mistake here of not replying fast enough. At one point I don’t reply till the next morning, then take about another day to respond to her reply. As you can see from looking at the dates / times, the whole interaction actually spans almost 4 days. I could easily have lost her in that time, and so it would have been better to do it in one long unbroken interaction.

After some whatsapp back and forth we set up a date that she cancelled. She went a bit cold on me after that, so I pulled back. There was radio silence for about a week. As much as I want to push for a date I don’t want to come across as needy. I pinged her and got a lukewarm reply. She seemed hesitant about meeting so I ran some comfort. At this point she knew very little about me, and that will put many girls off meeting you. Comfort in the form of some getting to know you type chat solved that, and I met her in bar near Marble Arch on a Friday night after work.

She turned up looking like her picture (phew). Fairly pretty face. Slightly above average, but not exceptional. Nice slim body. Pleasant, but without show stopping features like a big round ass or huge tits. A solid 7. And tall. Taller than me. She was over 5ft10 compared to my 5ft9, almost 6ft in her mini heels. I do like tall girls, but only really ever lay them from online dating, as I discount cold approaching them when out sarging. Since I shagged at least 3 girls taller than me last year I think this is a limiting belief I need to put a stop to.

We grab a sofa and I do most the talking. She seems shy. I try and kiss her within the first hour, and she massively recoils. Every physical or verbal escalation attempt on my part was met with disdain from her. Despite this something tells me I can lay her that night. I think it was a combination of my view of Tinder as being for fast lays and the fact that her disdain for my escalation attempts were so over the top they were almost pantomime. The lady dost protest too much. Two hours in she finally accepts my kiss close attempt, after denying the first four. When I smell sex there are no limits to my persistence, and I feel no sting from getting rejected multiple times when going for the kiss.

I ask her to come back to mine. She says “Not yet”. This means she’s already decided to fuck me (unless I do something dumb), so it’s just a case of running down the  clock for another couple of hours. I decided to take her to another bar that’s 20 minutes walk away, as the time dilation effect of a bounce will aid me in turning the not yet into a yes.

We have drinks on a balcony bar overlooking Regent Street. I remove the sexuality and focus on comfort and rapport. I’ve already massively established myself as a sexual threat, so there’s no need to work that angle any more. I just want her to feel emotionally a little bit closer to me now. Like we’re bonding over something. She needs to feel like we get on well and it’s not just a quick ‘any vagina will do’ pump and dump. We talk about things we like and our opinions till I find something we can bond over. I can’t remember what it was, but it was something to do with a way people often act that we both thought was stupid. We made fun of the rest of the world like it was us versus them. With the comfort box ticked and the clock run down we leave the bar.

I said we were getting a cab and she gave no resistance. There was no LMR when I got her home. I fucked her once in the evening then again in the morning. It was odd though. I remember not being that into it. This was despite her being attractive with a nice body. If I fucked her now I’d put way more effort in, and also would have tried to see her again. I think it’s because I slept with 22 women last year, and she was the 3rd new girl I’d slept with in as many weeks. Sex had just lost so much value to me. It’s a hard life being a player.

Why R-Selection Is Everything

Game is worth $2million in the bank – Roissy

One of the points that game denialists like to tout as ‘proof’ that game doesn’t exist is the fact that most men have been getting laid since the dawn of time, without requiring game. Sorry to burst the denialist bubble on you guys and girls, but this simply isn’t true. The truth is that in the past there was a huge inequality between men when it came to reproductive success. An inequality so large that it makes a modern sausagefest nightclub look like a winning prospect in comparison.

DNA studies have shown that at the dawn of the agricultural era, only 1 man reproduced for every 17 women that reproduced. It is suspected that this happened because the agricultural era was the first time in human history where men were able to horde resources. This meant that the most successful minority were, for the first time ever, able to have a significant advantage over the average man in attracting a mate. It would have been a simple decision for women: sleep with the right man, and you get to eat. Otherwise you starve.

The astute amongst you may have noticed that this is actually extreme K-Selection in action. K-Selection is when a man is seen as a girl by a provider. She gets together with him because he can provide resources. This is in contrast to R-Selection, where she has sex with the man purely to get his DNA; adventure sex. Although the DNA study does seem to indicate that K-Selection probably ruled 8,000 years ago, it does highlight a very important point. Whenever there is an opportunity for a minority of men to strongly distinguish themselves from the average man, there will be a huge difference in the sexual success of the winning males compared to the average males.

I’m going to hazard a guess as to why the trend of 17 women reproducing for every 1 man stopped: religion and marriage. Beta males in their attempt to compete with the Alphas for mates introduced the concept of marriage. This in effect regulated the sexual market place. Since the socially expected norm was to marry one man who’d be your only ever sexual partner, this destroyed the advantage of the harem holders. It didn’t matter how many resources they controlled, they could still only take one wife.

Fast forward thousands of years and we have feminism and the sexual revolution. Women delay marriage because the equality pushed by feminism means they want to concentrate on career in their 20s. Combine this with the effects of birth control and the ensuing sexual revolution and suddenly the sexual market place is deregulated again. As with 8,000 years ago a small minority of men can now distinguish themselves from the average men as women are now longer bound to be monogamous with a single man. This again leads to opportunities for the lucky (or possibly skill full) few to rack up epic notch counts, where as the average man is lucky if he has a lifetime notch count of 10.

The question then is how to be in the small percentage of men that monopolises the sexual market place. Whereas 8,000 years ago this was achieved by a strong ability to provide for many women, this will not work as well in the modern age. This is because unlike all those years ago, modern civilization will provide at the very least the basics to ensure the survival of a women and her offspring, regardless of how badly she fucks up. Although there are still some women who will be attracted to extreme wealth (gold diggers), once a woman’s survival is no longer at stake, a man’s provider (K-selected) ability is no longer of primary concern. All that’s left then is R-selection. In order to sleep with many women, the average man’s best bet is to throw off all trappings of K-selection and focus purely on being the R-selected badboy-esque secret lover. The guy she fucks in an ally as her boyfriend waits for her at home. The choice really is between this and sexual poverty.

In a future post I’ll talk more about R-selected game. I’ll show how the older style pick up material noticed it but failed to really understand or capitalize on it, the effects being more R-selected had on my game, how I occasionally confuse girls by accidentally giving off K-selected signals and how I want to improve and emphasize this aspect of my game in the future.